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13 May 2013 @ 10:03 pm
[ 30 ] Firestarter  
Title: Firestarter
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Chanyeol, Baekhyun // Hints of Chanyeol/Baekhyun
Word Count: 834w
Authors Note: Written for faramis. First fic/drabble I've written since 2009. Mildly based off of a MAMA!AU I've been cooking up. It's more a work in progress, than something that should be taken as a finished product, as it's never been properly edited.
Trigger Warnings: Mentions of death off-screen death, perceived mental disorder, consensual hospitalization.

The Phoenix is the symbol of reincarnation. Since Chanyeol embodies the spirit of the Phoenix, he is the only person to remember what the world was like before The Split, as well as all that came after.

ø --- ø

Chanyeol was always different.

He always felt like something was off.

He dreamed. He dreamed when he was awake in moments that felt like deja-vu, and he dreamed when he slept of far-away lands and faces that felt so familiar, but so foreign to him all at the same time. He dreamed, day in and day out, but no one believed a single word that he said when he spoke of these dreams, these dreams that felt too much like memories for Chanyeol to shake off as a childhood fantasy, or a whimsical imagination. As a child, he could pass them off as just that, tell his parents, his friends and teachers that they were just wild, imaginary friends, or fantasy play created solely from an overactive imagination. But as he grew older, the looks grew stranger, more judgemental, and the dreaming, the dreaming didn't stop.

The dreaming only continued, becoming worse with clarity as he grew from a child to a teenager, and he could not shake the sickening feeling in his gut when he woke up each morning that something wasn't right, something was missing from this life, from this world, and the continuous remarks towards his childish fantasies only fuelled the fire in his veins, drove him closer and closer to the edge, until the day that he brought the voices outside of his mind, the day that his entire body felt it was on fire, and the way only way to calm this downward spiral was to bring it all to an end.

The dreams, sometimes they caused Chanyeol to black-out. It was his subconsciouses way of dealing with the surge of overwhelming emotions and images of events, lives, deaths, people… but during those blackouts, it was only his mind that shut down. When Chanyeol came to, he was standing in a pool of blood, covered from head to toe in the crimson colour, and the next that he knew he was carted off to a psychiatric ward. He had heard the nurses gossip about him, about how he had supposedly murdered his entire family. His mother, father, brothers and sisters, even the hired help for cleaning, cooking and yard work. He had murdered them all in cold blood, to the point that DNA testing needed to be done to properly identify the bodies left in the house.

Chanyeol remembered none of this, but the lack of remembrance was different from a suppressed memory. Some psychologists attempted to diagnose him with Multiple Personality Disorder, but in the years that he had spent the psych ward between 15 and 20, going through test after test, there were no further signs of turmoil, nor proof of the emergence of another personality. Due to the fact that he was a minor the time of the crime, he could not be legally charged, and was eventually released once the murder could not be traced back to his doing. At the same time, the psychiatrists could not prove that Chanyeol was anything but completely sane.

Upon his release at the age of 20, he was rehabilitated into a normal life. He was still observed by the state, he was ordered to return to the psych ward and his psychiatrists for regular check ups, but beyond that… Chanyeol seemed almost normal. But all that he did was learn. He learned to keep quiet about the voices in his head, the voices about the dreams, and about all those thoughts and memories that kept him up at night. He knew that his doctors would call him crazy, after all, how could such frivolous dreams be considered memories, then they were always comprised of otherworldly experiences, and people that he had never met?

These days, Chanyeol does not talk about his dreams. He lives, day-in, day-out, working a 9-5 job in a university library, because the stress level was low, and the old ladies thought his temper was enough to keep people from partaking in less-than-pleasant activities in the book stacks. He keeps to himself mostly, not wanting to worry his doctors by putting himself into stressful situations, since it was the social anxiety that drove him to the brink of his last incident. Or at least, that's what they told him, and honestly, Chanyeol believes them. So he doesn't talk to the women who employ him, he doesn't chase kids out of the stacks, he doesn't talk to his neighbour in the apartment next to him… he lives in solitude, because living in solitude meant that he lived in relative silence, relative silence meant that he didn't feel that overwhelming surge of heat in his body, that heat that caused him black-out and become someone else entirely.

It's on his way home from work one day, groceries in hand from the market on the corner, that Chanyeol realizes that this routine cannot continue forever, and this realization hits him (literally) when he walks straight into someone, both bodies sent tumbling to the ground in shock. Chanyeol didn't even have time to realize that his groceries were rolling under foot and into the street, because the person staring back at him set his heart aflame, causing his breath to be caught in his lungs.

These eyes were familiar.

These eyes were the eyes that haunted his dreams.

These were the eyes that he felt like he had been missing for a thousand years.

Chanyeol zoned out while they were talking, muttered apologies and bows, and it wasn't until a quiet introduction that he came to. "Byun Baekhyun," was the muttered reply that he barely remembered the rest of the conversation to.


Chanyeol was going to remember that name.

∂ As always, comments and feedback are appreciated! ♥
∂ Apologies for the most likely horrendous grammar and tense issues! As I said before, it's unbeta'd, and only barely proofread.
∂ Thank you reading, I hope you enjoyed it!
Current Music: clearest indication (great big sea)